Your Child

My girl 'Nita who I mention so frequently in my blogs or of people who I am immensely proud of is giving me constant reminders in her blogs (Lyrical Genius link to your right) to be vulnerable and be candid and fearless in expression... im trying it on for size and puttin it all out there.

The new man in my life, who I am more than head over heals for. Who treats me like the queen that I am, who makes me smile with out trying, who is responsible for very sudden and very necessary changes in life is having a major change in his life. Because he is so important to me, most of the changes in his life effect me. Not on a huge scale most of the times but a lot because I care... I'm just that type of chick.

He could be having a baby. Like a real one. Like a smelly diaper, wah wah, cute little bundle of joy who is your responsibility for a minimum of 18 years according to the law. Can we say I am jih like blown! Now the kid isn't here yet and him and the BM are contemplating making termination of pregnancy an option (abortion for all ya'll slow folk)

Apparently '08 was a great year for fucking either raw, or a year in which condom manufactuers nationwide were skimping on the quality of the product and having condoms break all willey nilly. I know at least 5 people this yr alone who were or are pregnant and the shit is sad. Its sad for a host of reasons.

1. Kids are innocent
2. I am pro-coice but I am also very pro-life. I have nothing against women who think it is in the best interest of them and their unborn seed to end their lives.
However I think, for my own personal beliefs that I wouldnt be able to do it. And I am ashamed of myself for wanting this woman, who I do not know from a can of paint to do something that I could never see myself doing for the selfish reason, that I want to be with her childs father. Simply sad.

Women get criminalized in these situations. Either the woman is defamed and made out to be a crazy bitch or ho. And of course "that baby aint mine" syndrome sets in. And she's the one who is probably trying to trap you. But when the the bed was a rocking and those boots were a knocking...shes was all you could think about. You loved her. You cradled her and gave her the same mean ass dick that you give me. So lets not make things what they are not simply because the shit has hit the diaper. I'm just saying.

Men don't have it too easy either. They get hit with the "this nigga aint doing right by me" bit when CLEARLY you were on your BS when ya'll were together! Then there are the poor men who are such stand up guys that they will take care of the child that isnt theirs simply bc they feel like its the right thing to do. And to those men I salute you. I hold every father to the tone that my Daddy has set. I love that man, and he has always done his very best to do right by me and my 4 sisters... and his stepson frm his ex wife. Always being there for the 6 of us and our mothers if necessesary. I wish his breed of man was not such an endangered species.

And finally, my hat goes off to the women who stick by their men and the men who stick by their women NO MATTER WHAT! They don't care which chick is having their mans baby. And because they love their man or woman so much, the child which is a direct reflection of the person they love gets nothing but treated like their own child. No matter how much they can look at that child and see that it is not theirs they love that child unconditionally. My stepmom is one of those type of women. My mothers mom was that type of a woman , and lastly my man's mom is that type of a woman. The question now, (seeing as how this is my blog and all. lol) Am I ready, and do I have what it takes to be that type of a woman?

I think that question is easily answered since I am asking the question. If I was certain there would be no doubt in my mind what so over. But seeing as how our relationship never really left the ground , and we've only been rockin for a few months tops, our foundation aint sturdy enough for that heavy of a load. Love however in my opinion fortifies bonds and grounds as shaky as these. It makes a temporary fortress for that person so that they can cross this bridge of life with someone who loves and cares for them. And maybe when the purpose is served the person bows out gracefully. Who knows?

When he told me the dilema. Which I am realizing is becoming all but too common in this society in this day and age I could do nothing but think of this song, although it isnt super relative. It was all I could sing while washing his dishes at his house.

Funny how Mary has a song for every occasion.