I'm F@&^in' Up (oldie frm the archives)

So, needless to say, I've been facing a lot of adversities. Then again, which adult who is self suffienct doesn't have adversity. Mine however involve a personal issue with learning how to say F U to someone and trully mean it. I would LOVE to be able to look at or think of a person with complete distain and hate them. And yes, hate is a strong word... blah blah blah and you shouldn't wear white after labor day but the shit happens.

While at church today, (I finally went) I heard probably the most ridiculous thing I heard my pastor say ever. Please, do not misunderstand. My pastor is a learned brother. Humble, wholesome and very real with his. Apparently there is a little acronym floating around in Vaction Bible School's across the nation that preach J-O-Y. This is the order in which you should love. J for Jesus. (Ok, I'm totally with that.) O for others. (Huh?) and Y for you. (yes ,you finish dead last) Seriously, I kinda been rockin with this for a while. I thought about it and time and time again, no matter how many times I have been caught butt naked and beaten with a wet rag by some raggedy assed people I STILL look for the good, believe good excuses and try to cope.

.... theres a patient in the ER high on PCP.... im pretty sure some shit like this drove him to it.. lol. excuse me while I consult my pusher

Funk

Im in a funk. And I want to write. But I can't think of anything to write. I'm feelin a whole lot of shit but in no means want to do a complaining or sappy post. Shit happens and I seriously think this year was one for the history books. I'm different. It took a year and a day but I think I'm jaded and it may or may not be a good thing. I think the rose colored glasses that i once wore are now a thing of the past and I'm a little bit more selfish and a lot more skeptical of others. Down right not trusting people. Like seriously. I feel like I can't trust a soul in the world right now, maybe with the exception of my mother who honestly can't be my best friend because talking to her at times is an incredible testimony and trial of my patience.

Ex

1) "Mom, I really need a car"... her response

" Well, I went to church and someone drove there this one time and we had lunch after and the lunch was good even though I didn't expect it to be."

Seriously

In the midst of this tranisition maybe I gotta cut the umbilical cord. Or I may hang myself for being so frustrated.

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I've been on this binge with Twilight. I think I will right a post about my love affair with the saga soon.

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I had a final today, didnt study a lick and showed up 45 minutes late

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I found out yesterday that emotional drinkin is simply not for me

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Fuck this, I need a pedicure.

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