Lovin U is All U Can Do

2010-01-18T23:38:00.000-08:00

So I have a favorite blog, then again, its the only blog I read regularly. On it there was a pic of a fish diagram. Point = if you don't like something change it. I dont like somethings. Guess what I'm going to do? All smiles from here on out. =)

The Dark Ages

2009-12-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

As I've said several times, I HIGHLY doubt that anyone in the universe reads my blog, since I blog so infrequently. Usually, I blog when I'm within seconds of my breaking point. Here we are, yet again. lol. Not much has changed.

I remember a period in history class I learned about referred to as the dark ages. It was the time in which there was thought to be no considerable growth in society, it was supposed to be a time where there was a decline in the society. The great Roman empire had hit its peak prior to this period. There were great advancements in architecture, styles, literature during the Roman empire; and then it collapsed. After the collapse of the empire were the Dark Ages. After the Dark Ages was the beginning of the Renassaince, and we all know how wonderful the rebirth was for all aspects of life.

I guess this is where I am now. I am actively in the Darkest of my Ages. Horrible grades, complicated love life. Grief @ work and home, and I finally realized my "friends" are few and far between, and those who I hold in the highest regards... I shouldnt. So, here I am, in the Dark Ages, waiting for this time in my life to be renamed the Middle Ages.

After a while, people reviewed the Dark Ages and decided that the period was necessary for the Rebirth to be as wonderful as it was. So they took the Darkness out of the ages, and more appropriately named it the Middle Ages. The time in between greatness. I'm gonna regard this time before greatness as the baking time. Here I am, at my worst and darkest ages.

Can't wait to be reborn...

My Name

2009-11-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to kinda like the sound of my own last name
Don't wanna hold it forever, but I'm a strong woman and I would like, although I do not need, an even stronger man to support me.
And if he don't hold me down like my Dad does then his name and mine are nothing more than oil and vinger and they simply dont mix
They need to sound so good together they make sense.
I want our names to match like mac 'n' cheese or PB&J.... better yet, I want it to sound soothing like Cambells, just Mmmm Mmmm Good!
I want a name that commands my first name to the point that there is a magnetic, undeniable force that needs the two to be joined at the hip forever.
They type of last name that in my eyes is so powerful that it can protect the identity of my first by allowing me to use Mrs as a shield of honor and the first name you have to go thru before even becoming aquaintented, because my man, simply doesn't play the "everyone has my wife's name in their mouth game"
Therefore my king, you must put your best self forward because you are now the owner of a thorough-bred and you need to make sure you're a hair faster than me so you can catch me if I miss something in my blindspot

Stick It (Dreams II)

2009-06-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

I got the dreams, I got the juice.... hard part over

Now what do I do?

How do I make them stick?

Maybe, I should just swallow some glue and pray I don't get sick

"Get your head out the clouds"

"Get a grip"

Little do they now I have a firm grasp on this dream and I can't let it slip

Can't let it vanish into thin air

I need it to survive, need it to thrive, I need this dream to keep me alive

It's like bringing a knife to a gun fight

Bringin Dream into a room of pesimist.

He almost always looses, that is unless your dream is swift

quick and agile on it's feet

able to shake the haters and those who linger in disbelief

Shield it from them, misery loves company and birds of a feather flock together

so let your head stay in the clouds, thats where it belongs

right along with the eagles and always clear weather.

Not Just a Speach

2009-06-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

They've told you to do it since the beginning of time

"Dream big, you can be anything you want to be"

At some point down the line, the word dream began to take a negative connotation in my life. It became synonomous with fantasy and unattainable. I guess because some peoples dreams come true, and not all dreams are good. - They're downright nightmares

And as per usual, it just takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch. So dreaming became obsolete. Let alone dreaming big and fearlessly.

Fortunately for some, they untangle the cord of this game of telephone and get the message clear. Dreaming is ok. Dreaming bigger is even better. And stop at nothing to make your dream a reality.

Thank God for the dreamers. With out them where would we be? Martin had a dream. And so did Israel. Lets not forget about Joseph. These are some of the greatest dreams ever recorded

So shout outs to those with the courage and faith to dream, it is the essence of life. Making them come to fruition is simply the icing on the cake

I kinda like this one. =)

Hey Ya'll!

2009-06-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

Ok, So to the 4 or 5 of you that read this blog (and I think that is a MAJOR overstatment) My apologies, life has been getting in the way of blogging. Took me a while to realize but maybe it is better that I write the ish down, who knows? Might make a decent book one of these days.

"I been gone for a minute now I'm back with the jump off!"

I'm F@&^in' Up (oldie frm the archives)

2009-05-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

So, needless to say, I've been facing a lot of adversities. Then again, which adult who is self suffienct doesn't have adversity. Mine however involve a personal issue with learning how to say F U to someone and trully mean it. I would LOVE to be able to look at or think of a person with complete distain and hate them. And yes, hate is a strong word... blah blah blah and you shouldn't wear white after labor day but the shit happens.

While at church today, (I finally went) I heard probably the most ridiculous thing I heard my pastor say ever. Please, do not misunderstand. My pastor is a learned brother. Humble, wholesome and very real with his. Apparently there is a little acronym floating around in Vaction Bible School's across the nation that preach J-O-Y. This is the order in which you should love. J for Jesus. (Ok, I'm totally with that.) O for others. (Huh?) and Y for you. (yes ,you finish dead last) Seriously, I kinda been rockin with this for a while. I thought about it and time and time again, no matter how many times I have been caught butt naked and beaten with a wet rag by some raggedy assed people I STILL look for the good, believe good excuses and try to cope.

.... theres a patient in the ER high on PCP.... im pretty sure some shit like this drove him to it.. lol. excuse me while I consult my pusher

Funk

2009-05-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Im in a funk. And I want to write. But I can't think of anything to write. I'm feelin a whole lot of shit but in no means want to do a complaining or sappy post. Shit happens and I seriously think this year was one for the history books. I'm different. It took a year and a day but I think I'm jaded and it may or may not be a good thing. I think the rose colored glasses that i once wore are now a thing of the past and I'm a little bit more selfish and a lot more skeptical of others. Down right not trusting people. Like seriously. I feel like I can't trust a soul in the world right now, maybe with the exception of my mother who honestly can't be my best friend because talking to her at times is an incredible testimony and trial of my patience.

Ex

1) "Mom, I really need a car"... her response

" Well, I went to church and someone drove there this one time and we had lunch after and the lunch was good even though I didn't expect it to be."

Seriously

In the midst of this tranisition maybe I gotta cut the umbilical cord. Or I may hang myself for being so frustrated.

*******

I've been on this binge with Twilight. I think I will right a post about my love affair with the saga soon.

*******

I had a final today, didnt study a lick and showed up 45 minutes late

*******

I found out yesterday that emotional drinkin is simply not for me

*******

Fuck this, I need a pedicure.

1

Best Medicine

2009-04-28T00:44:00.000-07:00

Aiight, 3:45 AM, typing a paper. Thoughts are all over the place. So I took a study break and got my extreme creative writing on. Naturally it was inspired by my paper I'm writing for Pathophysiology. Guess what topic we're on? STDs and urinary and reproductive disorders. Guess who is highest on the totem pole for getting HIV? You, guessed it, black women. Guess how many of those black women contracted the disease from their MONOGOMOUS partner? More than half. Hope more of you knew this information prior to reading this. Hope this is no news. If not. Wake up ladies. Wake up fellas. SHIT IS REAL!

*****

Baby u aint Babu and I ain’t got no Lupe Cool Thoughts for you
Only thing I got for you is heat
Your face is about to get stomped on like my sister steppin beats
I have no idea how you got time to be up in those streets
When I just bought some Egyptian cotton sheets
Lets not forget the candles or the bubble bath I ran
Still doesn’t make a difference to this simple assed man
Cant see that he’s passin up a Mercedes for the mystery van
So go on ahead and leave dependability to satisfy your curiousity
You will be satisfied at first but soon realize the monstrosity
Trying to get full off of a snack wrap
Not knowin that that nasty bitch would make you get the clap
Now you thought you come on back to old faithful
This poem lets you know that I’m nothing but hateful
And you’re lucky disease got to you before I did
Cuz hunny , you would be runnin ‘round this bitch wit no eyelids
Then maybe you would be able to see a little better
Make you would soak up that the grass aint always greener where its wetter
Thought u were big pimpin
Now your third leg is limpin
Please don’t get mad when I laugh, didn’t mean to sin
But in my case laughter is the best medicine

I Run This

2009-04-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer***

This post is not supposed to be raunchy, nasty or anything of the sort. It's supposed to be real

No, this is not your pussy
It's mine
So please
Don't ask while your smacking my ass all wild.

"Who's pussy is this"

I will simply respond, it is mine

I am the one who takes care of this bitch.
I am the one who knows her every want and desire
I am the one who anticipates and tells her when to come
I run her, she in no way runs me
So please, understand
That my pussy is a part of me
Not the other way around
I love her
She's my bitch
But seriously
She's mine, not yours
And I have the right to share her with whoever I deem worthy, regardless of whether they are or not
I also have the right to deny you access to her, whenever I so chose.

Didn't know that some men simply didn't get it.

Hate to quote Beyonce but " If you like it then you should have put a ring on it" (or at least a commitment)

ROTFL

2009-04-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

A few posts down I was talking about my strained relationship with God. Where I felt the distance and honestly, I been missing him. Since then, I've been pretty stressed, dealing with a couple things that have had me a little shaken. Not necessarily shaken from Him but have shook me up quite a bit.

So I gave Him a call. I reached into that hotline of prayer and we gots a talking. We talked about my past 20 years and how much I have learned and have grown. We talked about every single, bump, scrape, and bruise I have endured and even the 5 car pile-ups and like He promised,...."One day, you're going to look back at this and laugh" It wasn't so funny at the time but now ROTFL:

I'm rolling laughing at my foolishness.
Rolling laughing at how much I thought I knew, when I had no clue
Rolling on the floor and laughing, how I though I could make a plan
Rolling with tears in my eyes on how I thought I needed a man
Pointing in the mirror hysterically laughing when I judged her as though I could
He has put some laughing gas in my possession and I am not afraid to use it
I love this substance and I cant wait to abuse it
He gave me life abundantly and I'll be damned if I lose it
I need to keep this feeling for ever so I better take the hits and use it
This feeling is so good I should juice it
Bottle it up and give it to the masses and watch them straight lose it
Lose their minds, lose there worries
Let 'em know that he's on his way with the good good, just in time, no need to hurry
So I'm relaxed cuz I know that he got me
And He Was in fact "worried about what club I went to with my homies"
but It's cool
Cuz He got me
When I was on the subway at 4 AM with you know who
It's cool cuz He got me
When I "tripped and fall, went up in raw"
He got me
Even when I didn't realize I am a "heaven-sent instrument"
He got me
So we sat back and had this rap
Laughed and laughed till my sides hurt
He laughed real hard at that one
Told me if I wanted to know about side pain to ask His Son
He told me to love that pain, because that's when the battle was won
Told me he went through that so I can get through this
He told me that it was all part of the plan, no accident
So now when I laugh, I'm gonna try to remember
and laugh when I thank him for getting me through the "coldest winter"

Some April Fool's Day

Not New but Still Painful

2009-03-26T13:42:00.001-07:00

So, regardless of your faith you know that the first murder was of Abel commited by his brother Cain. I live in North Philadelphia and not much has changed. People killing their brothers at an alarming rate. This is not an ode to how much better I wish things could be. But a cry out at how angry I am that this feeling of grief is now a personal one for me and my family. My uncle was murdered. Im am in no way delusional enough to not understand that kharma is a bitch and the amount of people whose lives he has destroyed is insurmountable and essentially the man had it coming. But regardless of his transgressions, he was my Daddy's little brother and my uncle.

BY COREY ROBINSON Observer staff reporter robinsonc@jamaicaobserver.com

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

GUNMEN yesterday went on a murder spree in the Corporate Area and St Catherine, killing seven persons in an almost 15-hour span.

Five of the murders, including two double killings, occurred in the St Andrew North Police Division, pushing the murder tally in that area to 27 since the start of the year.

Carolyn Jenierre's mother (centre) is a picture of grief as she is comforted by her church sisters at her daughter's murder scene. (Photo: Michael Gordon)

Police, up until late yesterday, were only able to identify four of the dead. They are:

. Petrojam accountant Andre Jenniere, 45, and his wife, 39-year-old Carolyn - a lecturer at the University of Technology (UTech) School of Nursing;

. 63-year-old wholesale operator Elsie Armstrong; and

. gas station operator Sylvan McPherson, 38; ))

Among the dead was a security guard who the police alleged was the brother of dancehall artiste Desmond Ballentine, more popularly known as 'Ninjaman'.

In the first incident, which occurred at about 3:00 am, gunmen forced open a window to the Jennieres' home on Cypress Drive in Red Hills, St Andrew and sprayed them with bullets.

Police said that their blooded corpses were discovered shortly before dawn by their nine-year-old daughter, who, along with her younger brother, slept through their parents' murder in a separate room.

Yesterday, frightened neighbours, relatives and co-workers who gathered outside the Jennieres' home questioned the killers' motives.

"Why would someone want to hurt Carolyn. Carolyn would never hurt a fly," said a grieving Dr Sarafadeen Adebayo, head of the School of Pharmacy and Medical Sciences at UTech. "She does not deserve this... Government will have to do something about this [crime] problem 'cause when you have professionals who are supposed to help in the development of the country being murdered, it spells destruction for our future."

In the Armstrong murder, police said that they were puzzled as to how her attackers gained access to her apartment at the newly-opened Isles of Grosvenor housing scheme on Grosvenor Terrace, also in St Andrew, and murdered her as well as the security guard.

Both were found with stab wounds in separate apartments at about 6:00 am, police said.

While the cops were processing that scene about 3:00 pm, gunshots rang out at the Total gas station near the foot of Red Hills. On their arrival at the scene, police found McPherson's bullet-riddled body. The police were told that men on a motorcycle drove up and shot McPherson. He died on the spot.

In the St Catherine North Police Division, police are probing the murders of two unidentified men whose bodies were found with gunshot wounds to the back of their heads in bushes at Featherbed Lane in Spanish Town early yesterday morning.

Rest In Peace Uncle Cory, forever and always.

Better than the Movies

2009-03-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

**Based on true events that I just witnessed less than 20 minutes ago**

So I overslept today. Alarm completely doesn't work so I awoke at 10, mind you, my class is at 9 and over at 12 and I have an exam at 2. SOOOO the goal was to be up and out the door at 830. My biological clock is completely off because I slept till 2pm, worked till 12am and went back to sleep at 4am so i can completely understand my body giving me the ill fuck you and your plans of academic success, sleep on playa! (fmylife.com/Ihateoversleeping) ((not an actual site, I just love reading fmylife, so when anything goes wrong, thats what I say))

I Digress***

I get up after this late morning start fiasco and hightail it (where did that phrase even come from) to the tech center bus stop so I can catch the shuttle, no point in wasting a token if you're already late. In the spirit of being late I decide to get breakfast, take a sit down at the window and enjoy.

A nice young man, white guy with long hair, torn clothes and an edgy look, with a 5'oclock shadow and killer blue eyes sits next to me. We both commence our breakfast sandwich eating in silence when this big blob of a frat boy plops himself next to Stone (I think the dude looks like his name should be) He's says

Blob: Dude....didn't you go out with Lindsey?
Stone: Yea, ummm, im sorry...whats your name?
Blob: Yea, my name is "blob"
Stone: Yea man, we're not together.
Blob: Dude, what happened?

PAUSE

Now, lets just back track for a second. Stone and Blob aren't even friends. After asking Stone, when Blob left, Stone tells me that Blob is one of Lindsey's friends that she went to a dance with last year and that they met once. All this means is that they don't know each other from a can of paint. So he has no idea whether Stone was contemplating suicide at the loss of Lindsey, or if it was sore topic, or if he was on the phone with some other chick, (bc rude blob came up and started this convo while Stone was on the phone)

PRESS PLAY

Stone: (Being ultra sexy and polite) Just didn't work out man, we want different things. She's 19, I'm 24. No fault of either of ours, just didnt work. We're at different places
Blob: O

Its like Blob was all disappointed by his answer and shit. I dunno. It made for a way better morning show than my usual Saved By The Bell repeats, figured I would share.

Tokyo

2009-03-11T16:21:00.001-07:00

I've only been here for a day and I'm done with it. Not to say that I'm not going to enjoy the rest of my time here by any means, but I honestly don't think I can feel any happier or anymore appreciative of the experience. I'm really thankful that my mother and high school instilled the value and importance of traveling to me. It is something I will forever be indebted to them for.

Sliding Back

2009-02-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

Back slider. Such a negative connotation. Here's the deal. I'm one of those kids who was grounded in the Lord. Been going to church before I was going to school. My mom did right by me. She made it her perogative to make sure that I had a basis, a foundation if you will in the Lord. She did everything in her power to foster my relationship with the Lord and planted the seed in my heart so that when I got older I would be able to make me and Jesus' relationship work, We would be able to go on my own.

Unfortunately, life got in the way. Life and public school. I never went but I sure did feel the world. Put a bunch of church kids from all over the 5 boroughs in the woods with minimal supervision. Yea, u do the math. That whole, trying to bring your kid up right thing goes out the window with a game of spin the bottle, hide n go get, and truth or dare.

Here's the problem. I'm 20 and feeling the conflict more than ever. Love to play those little kid games on a grown up scale. (I go to school and live away from my mommy. lol. supervision is not even in my vocabulary) I have always felt this feeling of being in an intense game of tug-of-war. I feel Mr. Man pulling me one way. With the sweet nothings, kisses, the horizontal mambo etc. and then I feel this need to be in church. Like I fien to listen to the choir in the morning. I feel like I need and want to be closer to Him but can't give up certain things of the world. I know that it is in my best interest. I ain't missing much and I got a whole lot more to gain by getting up and listening to the call to hasten to the throne but I feel like it has to be a clear cut choice. Like there is no in between. No half stepping. No being a Sabbath Christian for me. I hate the picking and the chosing of which of His commands I'm gonna listen to or not today. Nobody told me the road would be easy, but should it feel so impossible?

I haven't been to church since the new year began. And I genuinely attribute the fact that the new year hasn't been all that great to that. Why is it so easy to get a txt to go the bar or to a party, not want to go but get so easily convinced to go even when your spirit is simply saying to sit ya lil ass still. But mess around and know that you got church at 11 and that bed has never felt so comfortable. Tired isn't even the word, you are mysteriously exhausted from the whole week and need to sleep. I need my Mommy to hold my hand or something but something's got to give. I can't keep living like this. Getting to work or class for 8:40 aint that hard but 11 AM service is the jack. I am so disappointed in myself. For this more than anything.

How can everything else get shine but the Light? Humans baffle me.

Women are the Biz ( By Women I mean ME)

2009-02-15T13:48:00.000-08:00

Women are the biz. Hands down. I feel like we have overcome so much. I am really happy that Barack won the election and all but I do feel in my heart of hearts that Hil would have done an excellent job as well. This isn't really a political post, its a testiment to woman and their ability to move on from things. The fierceness with which we love and the ability to not keal over and die when shit doesn't go according to plan.

The woman who sticks by her broke ass man, feeds him, gasses his car, gives him top that blows his mind as a reminder to bring home the bacon even. She is the shit. She is strong.

The woman that stands by her man when he is cheating on her. She isn't all that stupid. Just in love. She doesn't get props for being walked all over. She does however get props for saying "F^%$ that nigga" and moving on to the next one and actually trusting and loving the new man and trying again whole heartedly at the whole being happy thing.

Heartache sucks. I believe I have been spared from it in its most raw form but I have felt it to a degree. I let it burn if you will and I think I'm stronger because of it. I feel like I'm staying true to that whole women being the biz thing. I'm not delusional and think that I got it in the bag. But I do feel like I am able to overcome and when the whole process is done I should be ok. This post is more for me than you. Had to remind myself in black and white.

Found Treasure

2009-02-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

It is so true that one mans trash is another mans treasure. While the so called "trash" I speak of is in no way shape or form trash, in fact he's a pretty awesome person. Grounded in the Lord, very easy on the eyes, a smile to die for, eclectic and genuinely wholesome and sweet. Of course when I had him I couldn't stand him for some reason (I'm unable to recognize and keep good people sometimes), but now he's got another and I couldnt be happier; if anyone deserves it it's him. Yay him!

News Flash

2009-02-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

News Flash: The recession is real.

I figured out the scary truth for myself, first hand while supermarketting at Pathmark where I spent $230. I know, I know. Crazy huh? Well lets think for a moment shall we? Of course I'm going to be spending over $200 in groceries when even poor food is too expensive. By poor food I mean dinner in a can... i.e. Spam, Corned Beef, tuna, things like that. A can of those things that you whip together to get some protein, b/c u can't afford chicken or beef was a whopping $4 a can. I kid you not, last year the shit was $1.25. That my friends is a big deal.

I finally get how serious this thing is. I was on the verge of having a myocardial infarct (heart attack). Then I thought about it. The prices of necessities keep rising, pay is not increasing, companies are laying people off left right and center. Last i heard we had reached a total of nearly 600,000 jobs lost... and counting. These aren't just college kids like myself who are hungry hungry hippos. These are heads of households with mouths to feed, mortgages to pay, insurance premiums, gas, utility bills etc. This is disheartening to say the least.

All because some people couldn't manage money well. Now we have this huge problem that we want the Obama to fix. Good luck Mr. President. Please fix these problems, because I can't afford poor food and I'm not ready for airpie and nothing chop sandwiches.

Monday Feels Brand New

2009-01-26T09:27:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I'm one of those folks who really but a lot of value in being busy. If you're sitting on the couch all the time doing nothing productive with you're time you are lazy. Point. Blank. Period. Welp, that couch potato was me for a minute. But I'm baaaaaaccccckkk! This is my first Monday back and I'm too excited.

I didn't meet my full potential last semester (code for I fucked up royally)But I'm actually really hyped about these classes. I wasn't too thrilled about my major last semester but I feel like I'm fitting in nicely with my surroundings. Guess Mom's praying paid off. =)

Notorious

2009-01-24T19:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, but if one more person asks me if I've seen NOTORIOUS Imma scream. I have no intentions of seeing that shit. It makes me sick the way Voletta Wallace and Puffy have capitalized so greatly on the death of Biggie. Ok, so Puffy did it. They were merely friends. But his mom?! That shit is fucked up, I'm sorry. That's your child. I'm sure that everyone is entitled to how they grieve and everyone grieves differently, but one has to admit the dollars may have had some influence on her decision to let Puffy pimp her son and his legacy like a ho to the masses.

How Important is IT exactly?

2009-01-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

Sadly, a person's past sexual history greatly effects their current sexual relationship. There are many contributing factors to the downfalls and joys of sex with any sexual partner...such as level of comfort, trust, level of experience and willingness to move towards uncharted territory.

For myself, I am starting to realize that this sex shit, only complicates stuff sometimes. In the past I have been ferocious in my quest for some good good. Often misusing the beauty and intentions of sex (according to God) for another way to get high. We all know that the release of orgasm feels like a fuckin drug...(if it doesn't, then hunny, you are doing it wrong) Welp, apparently, when you're feeling someone, and you are having sex with them as a means of expressing your feelings, they don't exactly feel so good about being used for their goodies. Apparently, it doesnt feel good to the person to just be another casuality or notch on your post of conquest.

So I learned a lot frm Relationship 101. Thought I would switch it up for Possible Relationship 102 (can u tell I'm in school by the course listings)and a sista still can't win! I went from having a lil bit to now being presented with what feels like an ultimatum. Get abstinent or get lost! ::insert gasp here:: I really didn't see me going out like that. I'm finally settling into a new dude, in the phase where I can't keep my hands off of him...I waited for what feels like an eterenity and BOOM. KABLOW. BYE BYE Birdie???!! I must say... I was jih like blown. LOL

Which leads me to my point. How important is it? We clearly feel each other for reasons beyond the surface, sex isn't what the gig was built upon but the benefit package is freaking awesome. So can things last with the termination of some of my benefits? Or is strike in order? It feels like some deliberation with the union is in order. We need to see where we can give up some stuff in order to win and gain the most from the job. We're considering losing our sex benefit in exchange for companionship, friendship, trust, confidence, lastingness, playfulness and mind intimacy like no other. With SEPTA and the MTA possibly losing their vision, dental, and healthcare. It seems that me and my union may have struck up a better deal.

Seeing things in black and white makes a difference.

Simply Put

2009-01-21T20:23:00.000-08:00

Unappreciated

I'm Over Ya'll

2009-01-18T13:19:00.001-08:00

So I've been rocking with a real fake it till you make it state of mind. There was a pastor I used to listen to and he would say if you claim something that God would make it true. Practice makes habit(not perfect). All of this is to say that I have decided to make the lyrics to Mary J Blige's "Just Fine" really how I think of myself. For a while I wasn't to "fine". I wasn't doing what Mary said is those lyrics.

"So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain’t worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..FINE!"

I really didn't for a while. That shit is sad to be honest with you reader. I used to look at girlier females (not sure if thats a word) and think "hmmm....maybe I should be a little bit more refined" Most of my friends... Mark in particular lol, have determined I'm just a sexy man. Some times I walk like my balls are in the way. I cuss like a sailer. I smoke blacks, and drink 22oz of Heineken at a time. I don't always cross my legs. I swing first, ask questions later (but I have to be VERY provoked) And I eat like Paul Bunyon. Seriously

This is not to say that I am not lady. And to many I am not by their standards. I've just decided to send a huge FUCK YOU to the commentators. I can hold my own. I can be as sexy as a VS model, I'm confident as peacock. And put a sista in a suit (with a skirt) u can't tell me nothing!

So I saw some chicks last night who I can tell looked at me a ways for how I was acting. Not that it was rude or inappropriate because clearly I live in North Philly where class is soley the definition of going to school. I had a couple of drinks, got a lil tipsed, ate about 6 chicken wings loaded with hot sauce (very sloppy like I might add) Got a lil emotional and smoked my life away. Usually I would get up in the morning and feel mildly disappointed in myself. NOT TODAY! lol. I looked in the mirror and felt good as shit!

(I never really got why people say stuff like that. "Good as shit" how good is shit? "Cold as hell" Riiiggghht. Winter...when it's 10 degrees is cold as the devils house)

So I liked what I saw, I own the adopted attitude n it felt great. =)

Once again, Mary came to the rescue

Your Child

2009-01-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

My girl 'Nita who I mention so frequently in my blogs or of people who I am immensely proud of is giving me constant reminders in her blogs (Lyrical Genius link to your right) to be vulnerable and be candid and fearless in expression... im trying it on for size and puttin it all out there.

The new man in my life, who I am more than head over heals for. Who treats me like the queen that I am, who makes me smile with out trying, who is responsible for very sudden and very necessary changes in life is having a major change in his life. Because he is so important to me, most of the changes in his life effect me. Not on a huge scale most of the times but a lot because I care... I'm just that type of chick.

He could be having a baby. Like a real one. Like a smelly diaper, wah wah, cute little bundle of joy who is your responsibility for a minimum of 18 years according to the law. Can we say I am jih like blown! Now the kid isn't here yet and him and the BM are contemplating making termination of pregnancy an option (abortion for all ya'll slow folk)

Apparently '08 was a great year for fucking either raw, or a year in which condom manufactuers nationwide were skimping on the quality of the product and having condoms break all willey nilly. I know at least 5 people this yr alone who were or are pregnant and the shit is sad. Its sad for a host of reasons.

1. Kids are innocent
2. I am pro-coice but I am also very pro-life. I have nothing against women who think it is in the best interest of them and their unborn seed to end their lives.
However I think, for my own personal beliefs that I wouldnt be able to do it. And I am ashamed of myself for wanting this woman, who I do not know from a can of paint to do something that I could never see myself doing for the selfish reason, that I want to be with her childs father. Simply sad.

Women get criminalized in these situations. Either the woman is defamed and made out to be a crazy bitch or ho. And of course "that baby aint mine" syndrome sets in. And she's the one who is probably trying to trap you. But when the the bed was a rocking and those boots were a knocking...shes was all you could think about. You loved her. You cradled her and gave her the same mean ass dick that you give me. So lets not make things what they are not simply because the shit has hit the diaper. I'm just saying.

Men don't have it too easy either. They get hit with the "this nigga aint doing right by me" bit when CLEARLY you were on your BS when ya'll were together! Then there are the poor men who are such stand up guys that they will take care of the child that isnt theirs simply bc they feel like its the right thing to do. And to those men I salute you. I hold every father to the tone that my Daddy has set. I love that man, and he has always done his very best to do right by me and my 4 sisters... and his stepson frm his ex wife. Always being there for the 6 of us and our mothers if necessesary. I wish his breed of man was not such an endangered species.

And finally, my hat goes off to the women who stick by their men and the men who stick by their women NO MATTER WHAT! They don't care which chick is having their mans baby. And because they love their man or woman so much, the child which is a direct reflection of the person they love gets nothing but treated like their own child. No matter how much they can look at that child and see that it is not theirs they love that child unconditionally. My stepmom is one of those type of women. My mothers mom was that type of a woman , and lastly my man's mom is that type of a woman. The question now, (seeing as how this is my blog and all. lol) Am I ready, and do I have what it takes to be that type of a woman?

I think that question is easily answered since I am asking the question. If I was certain there would be no doubt in my mind what so over. But seeing as how our relationship never really left the ground , and we've only been rockin for a few months tops, our foundation aint sturdy enough for that heavy of a load. Love however in my opinion fortifies bonds and grounds as shaky as these. It makes a temporary fortress for that person so that they can cross this bridge of life with someone who loves and cares for them. And maybe when the purpose is served the person bows out gracefully. Who knows?

When he told me the dilema. Which I am realizing is becoming all but too common in this society in this day and age I could do nothing but think of this song, although it isnt super relative. It was all I could sing while washing his dishes at his house.

Funny how Mary has a song for every occasion.

REJECTED!

2009-01-17T14:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here is the first of two very honest posts.

My ex rejected me. And a bitch is still kinda tight about the shit. Not on some boo hoo wanna go bust the windows out of a niggas car or nun. But more like a ...."Shit, U kno u wanna hang out with me!" lol. Its funny. But I am the biggest believer in Kharma I've rejected many a nigga and I see it is finally my turn. Thats the breaks I guess.

Speaking of breaks I'm getting a car and I can not express how fucking excited I am. I mean, I'm excited like all of the drunk off beer white people were when they found out the Philly's one the world series.

(BTW the shit happened a minute ago, I'm sick of the fucking memorobilia; if you werent there destroying the city with the rest of us, you have no idea wat u missed, no autographed balls can fix that for you) And this is related to the title of the post bc I am rejecting the notion that I should still be excited about that or hope that the Eagles win the SuperBowl.

Santa Baby

2009-01-03T14:16:00.001-08:00

Christmas was really better than I expected this year. I definitely cleaned up. Fendi frames, Coach sneakers, Puma bag (thnx B), family heirloom and cash. Did well if you ask me. Then I was talking about the things I received with a co-worker... and I instantly got this thing in my heart for my son. The day named day that he ever decides to go and buy a female who is not his wife, me, sister or something like that some $400 frames Imma whoop his fucking ass. I simply don't get it.

However, they look GREAT on me!

Introdcution

2009-01-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2009. Happy New Year and all that jazz. There's this chick who writes this blog that 'Nita put me on too. Honestly, I now read hers, 'Nita and Chris' religiously. By reading these 3 very different yet thoroughly entertaining blogs in addtion to having stimulating conversation with old friends I came to the conclusion that being honest and real with these here blogs are way more beneficial than being censored. So new year, new game plan and development of a different style. Here Goes Nothing!

Not Feelin' It

2008-11-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

I don't have a phone. My cats have decided to destroy my house. My dad is sick. School is for some reason still in session. And I'm losing friends like a chemo patient losing hair. I'm trying to remain positive. Not give the devil a reason to do a "Got another Sucker Down in the Dumps" Dance but the only thing I feel at the moment is thoroughly upset. And for some odd reason...the shit keeps piling up on my already shitty day. Anyone got some Charmine?

Comeback Anyone?

2008-09-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

So , I got out of class a little early this morning. Did the usual TUMail, Facebook, Blogroll, Youtube thing. You know, the many things you do on the internet before you decide to settle down and actually get to business. Anywho, last night I came across some classic tracks from Aftermath. It blew me away that I knew every single word to all of these songs and got a thinking.....where are these guys?

No Dre, I have not forgotten about u. lol

It is Time

2008-09-24T19:04:00.001-07:00

Who are we to judge and proclaim what should happen and in what time frame it should happen. People love to sit there and tell you "It's time that you... (enter your experience here)" The truth of the matter is no one knows another persons' cross or what they go through. As of late, I've heard a lot of :

"Girl, its time, u need to get over it"

"Moss, it's time u go back home, she's not coming back"

"Son, it's time you stop fuckin around and get ur shyt together"

"C'mon, she's a nice girl, its time you settle down"

Guessed I missed was when we were given the little hourglass thingy of life and given the immense responsibility of keeping time. Once again, man decided to take what was His. Damn u Eve for taking the fruit u greedy chick! lol. Now we have biological clocks, deadlines, wrist watches, cell phones that we look at every hour to check what time it is. And the whole time we're checking the time we're wasting time not enjoying the time given. Life is short. Stop clockin it.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Hey There

2008-09-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

"I been gone for a minute, now I'm back with the jump-off"

So, school has been in session for over 2 weeks now. Since then, I've begun classes at Health Sciences Campus (Broad n Tioga). Had some interesting encounters with some very interesting people. Started a new job at Temple University Hospital (I feel your congratulations, thank u). Lost my grandmother (RIP Daisy). Fought with friends. Cried so much that my tears said "Fuck u, I quit." And then today hit. I remembered this little outlet. The almighty BLOGSPOT

Lemme tell you, I really think that not a near nutta (How High) person reads these shits half as much as I do. While on my Emotional Nitro (the best roller coaster ever! Which for the first time since it opened I didn't ride this summer....=( ) I forgot about the beautiful world of bloggin. I figured I'd take this opportunity to shout out the people whose blogs I usually read pretty consistently. Ya'll make me forget for awhile.

Cuz- Honestly. KTH is the shit. I read it....even when u write complete gobbledygook like u did last night after the concert. The shit is refreshing, versatile and hilarious...very much like u buddy

'Nita- The poetry and experiences, both personal and otherwise take such a leap of faith to post. Being that vulnerable, and taking such big risks warrent only one thing....major returns. You're writing just like u is flourishing.

Cal- the chronicles of finishin school AND working on the best DVD collection ever?! Amazing. How dooooooooooo u do it? lol. The random tidbits about Free Willy and the ever famous Little Rascles definitely make for some serious smile crackers. =)

Buke- Bitch, u need to go to ur own classes...not Sahar's and the kids know their Mommies love them. lol

Ciara - Glad ur back in the blog world friend. Now even if I don't c u in person for a day at a time I can still laugh at ur shit. Cudos!

"Some days it aint sunny, but it ain't so hard"

Heard it a million times on Lupe's track but paid attention to the lyric after 'Nita put it on her blog. I try to keep that feeling in my being and in my stride. It helps to have ya'll, n the blogs are great distractions. So for all the bloggers who are trully dedicated to their shyt....Good Job....I salute u!

Ladies VS Women

2008-08-11T14:39:00.001-07:00

So, I've been taking this African Dance Class and as the class is now coming to a close, I have learned a lot more than anticipated. Namely the differences between sexuality and sexual exploitation/ lewdness. The differences between being a woman, a female and being a lady. Also I have learned a deep appreciation for the power that women possess. As corny as this may sound to some, I feel deeply saddened that as a people, black women have become so hardened to the various circumstances that we have encountered on this earth that as a means of protection we act tougher, become tougher and callous ourselves. The callouses take away from the delicateness that women are to naturally possess. There is a huge misconception that succumbing to emotions, or feelings such as crying are signs of being a punk or being weak when these are in essence the things that make us women. Our sensitivity to situations, give us far greater insight and make us more able to recognize past mistakes so that we don't do them again.

In the class we move our hips, shake and shimmy our breast and celebrate the essence and force that is a woman.
We celebrate the duty we have of bringing life into the world.
We celebrate being the starting place of creation.
We move and parade our breasts which bring nourishment to the young and provide cushion to our men that no other pillow can provide.
We are a self replenishing sustainer to both young and old.

I've been in this class for over a month now and I finally understand. I finally feel like I have been called to be a lady, in addition to being a woman.

With all of this being said, I'm making a conscious effort to adjust my image that I put forth as a chick who acts like a dude and try to be always regarded as a lady in everything I do. It's been a while at acting the way I do, but I figure I've only been on the earth for 1/5 of my proposed life expectancy and I got a long way to go

"Now say Thank You"

2008-07-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

"You know what grinds my gears ?" (True Family Guy fans stand up)

I hate it when someone does something nice for you, you say thank you because your mother raised u...not dragged you up. And you don't get as much as a head nod for being polite. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't rant about this minor infraction, however it happened to me three times in all of 3 minutes; needless to say I was a little overwhelmed. (Sidenote: you can only be overwhelmed or underwhelmed, never whelmed)
Newho. I think it is completely ridicilous for adults to constantly make an effort to make children say please and thank you over and over again when they are young for things such as bottles or food, when these sayings are lost in infantile amnesia or just plain forgotten as you get older. For those of you in blog land please remember to be polite and say please and thank you for they trully are the magic words.

From the mouths of Babes

Her Love

2008-07-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

No other love can compare I swear
Shes the only one I know that will always be there
She loves me so much she beats the hell out of me so the world doesnt have to
She makes me try to be more accountable for the things that I do
Must hurt her to sit idly by and watch me make my mistakes
But she loves me that much, whatever it takes
Regardless of the grief and burdens I give she still weathers through
She does it so effortlessly, proof that her love is true
Thankful that I have someone to pick me up when I fall
She's always knows when I need her, don't even have to call
A kiss, a hug, a homecooked meal
Tiny pieces that show how a mother's love is so real

Need You Bad

2008-07-17T02:24:00.001-07:00

I find myself completely in love with this song...Sining it extra loud and mighty off key while with friends or in a car kind of like this song. Funny how the brain works. Your subconscious will take a hold of something that your conscious isn't man enough to face and hold on to it until you get a clue. Well my subconscious let me in on to why I like the song so much. Apparently He lied to me and had a relationship with Jazmine Sullivan simultaneously with me because there's no other explanation as to how perfectly the lyrics of the song embody my feelings.

If i had you back in my world
I would prove that i could be a better girl
oh oh oh
If you let me back in
I would sho'nuff never never let you go again(hey baby)
I was so foolish to ever leave your side,
searching for what was right before my eyes
It was me who didn't realize
'till it was gone but now i know i need you in my life

Boy i need you bad as my heartbeat, (bad like the food i eat)
Bad as the air i breath, (baby i want you bad)
I need you bad i cant take this pain, (bad i cant take this pain)
Boy I'm 'bout to go insane (baby i need you bad)
I need you,
I need you,
What i gotta do (baby i want you bad)
I need you,
I need you,
Do it all for you (baby i need you)
Baby there's nothing i wouldn't do to get back what we had when love was true.
(oh oh oh)
No lie I'd give up all i got
Just so i could get back in my spot (Ooooh)

No...I do not think that throwing yourself at someone like this is all good in the hood, however if you know you messed up...the reality and the consequences of the actions eventually catch up and you feel it. It hurts. Life is like a tootsie pop sometimes. You gotta work through a really hard shell, maybe break a tooth trying to crack it but eventually you will arrive to a chocolate center. Naturally I have to get the rock hard lollipop that damn near cut my tongue. It's OK tho. I gotta chocolate center, it was promised to me.

Maybe Not

2008-06-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

"I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
I need you like a heart needs a beat, it's nothing new
Yeah
I loved you with a fire red now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry lord, the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize"

Too late to apologize? No. Too late to try again or ever be given a second chance? Yes. But definitely never too late to apologize for wronging someone else; regardless of whether or not you have wronged yourself and the other person was a casualty in your own self destruction.

As per usual, as much as things change....they stay the same. Freud understood the human condition for self destruction in writing his Discontents; thankfully there is a major difference between understanding and acceptance. I understand but do not accept my fate of self destruction, although time and time again actions show that self destruction must be my only desire. Time heals ALL wounds and transgressions. Yours and Mine.

Different

2008-06-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that my blogs have no real direction per se. I usually blog when I feel like my head is going to explode with something. And today that something is Chrisette Michele. I'm sorry all true neo-soul fans out there but I getting reaquainted with the sound and have just fallen in love with this woman's voice. (kinda how Eric did for Ariel - Little Mermaid whaddup) But for real, her voice is melodic and enchanting I have been hitting the snooze button way to long on this one. Excuse me while I leave work....walk to Phenominal (which is the opposite direction from my house) to purchase this album

For Real

2008-06-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

"Hell is empty, all the devils are here" - William Shakespeare

Enjoying It

2008-06-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

Random Person: What you doing today?

Me : Nothing much...enjoying my extended vacation

Random Person : So basically you're doing nothing with your life?

Me: Yup, it's a full time job and I can't take a break from it right now, gotta call you back.

I haven't enjoyed a break this much in as long as I can remember. Not too long and not to short. Just enough time to revamp, and rejuvenate myself for the hard work that I know I have ahead of me in the semester to come. This entire year as I reflect, I feel as though I have had the same type of growth spurt as a 13 year old boy. My voice has changed- Its a lot softer, less angry and a hell of a lot less loud. I've gotten a lot taller as well - I hold my head up a little bit higher and walk with more confidence. I have matured major. He-said-she said and getting the last word are things that I have no use for anymore. And damnit; it feels AMAZING! And I owe it all to this 3 week break where I had nothing to do but enjoy my own company, think and spend some quality time praying; with his help I have put a lot of things into perspective and I feel indestructible, unshakable and lethal to anyone who may try and deter me.

::insert exhale here::

2008-05-12T08:36:00.001-07:00

"You see us in the street laughing and acting. Yup, uh huh. Look a lil closer"
- Lil' Kim

You think you can understand a love like ours but its obvious you dont
You only know the superficial, the outward appearence
Because you have no idea what your talking about, refrain from interference
You see what we want you to see
What you see is a mirage created cleverly
Our love is real, our relationship is strong
Trust me, you can't comprehend the basis of our bond
The tears, the laughter and the joys
The fights, the anger and all the noise
The compilation of these things make us who we are
A force to be reckoned with, by far
So when the seas get testy and this union begins to rock
Don't throw out suggestions that should have been made at the dock
Your opinions are a dollar short and 2 years late
You have too much food on yours to begin to digest our plate
When you write the book I'll purchase a copy
Until then please be more low key

Psalm 46 :5

2008-05-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

"God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns"

This is the Bible Verse that I have been needing to hear for a very long time. Fortunately a friend invited me to church with her on Saturday (7 Day Adventist) and God handed me a double dose of refuge. I keep forgetting his omnipotence and omnipresence and forget that through out everything not only does he have a front row seat to my life, he actually is the only one who should be holding the controller. This is my downfall. I think I need to start taking daily reminders to let me know that I AM NOT IN CONTROL! Most of the things that happen and that I take the hardest are when I take it upon myself to meddle in God's business of what I believe is "my" life which in actuality is his. The life that I think is mine is ALWAYS better when He is in control.

When I heard this verse, I thought about getting it tatted. Fortunately I reconsidered and realized I don't need to permanently have it written on my body, I need to have it permanently seared in my brain. I need to believe, trust and live as a woman "who will not fall" I need to be adopt and integrate this belief into my everyday strut. When everything is going down around you though, it is quite easy to lose sight of this truth.

Things are not OK. Despite my wonderful defense mechanisms of constant jokes and flashing of a pearly white smile...things are NOT OK. But they will be.

I Will Not Fall!

Not I Said Lauren

2008-04-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Anyone who is around me on a consistant basis knows that often times I say the phrase..."Not I, said Lauren." It sounds silly but all it means is not me, or "I am not the one" (another phrase I say often ) I have decided that I will no longer be the one. I will no longer be the person who will be a sponge and soak up yours or anyone elses drama. I am now starting to reject my own drama and no longer have the time, energy or patience to listen to or be party to your drama. It is exhausting. I know that I have done a prettty good job at stoking the fires to perpetuate the never ending drama that is your story. But sadly they're slowly becoming indirectly my own. This notice is to let it be known, that I AM NO LONGER THE ONE. I take full accountability for my prior actions and my role in making these vicious and unecesssary circles continue but I apologize and gracefully bow out because like I said earlier I AM NO LONGER THE ONE!

Don't be upset. It's not you. It's me. I fucked up before. I'm trying to grow now.

Thank You, That is All.

I am not one of those cool kids who consistenly blogs and my first post in quite some time unfortunately isn't all that great but I had to get it off my chest.

Breaking News!

2008-04-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! BREAKING NEWS!

Mr. Aaron Lewis and Mr. Raymond Banks have both received their GED results and have passed!!

(The last time I was this proud, my nephew was potty trained)

I am proud of my part in helping them reach their infinite potential but more so proud of the fact that slowly but surely my fellow brothers have shattered the sterotypes that once shackled them. Both of these men have been involved in things that they now know were wrong paths. (I'm not going to give their past lives shine right now)They decided that the roads that they were heading down were not conducive to their success or future happiness, so instead of talking about it they decided to BE about it.

The most unfortunate thing is that there will be no excitement in the street about their most recent accomplishment. There will be no breaking story; or probably not even another word uttered about their achievement other than this forum. That truly upsets me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of people hightlighting and focusing on the negative aspects of our community and not our triumphs. Not things like that fact that over 20% of Temple University's students are hard working black young people. Not focusing on young black people trying to make social and cultural contributions to our society such as those artist in Philalive! I will sound the alarm and let it be heard that these men achieved something positive and I am honored to have the opportunity to have been a part of it.

FYI: [I work at a GED training center on TU Campus called the WELL Program]

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program:

Check what Swirls had to say about the matter:

Thou Art Destructive

Everything is Finally Feelin Jus' Fine!

2008-04-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

Iight. Things have been a little topsy turvy to say the least in my social circles. Man problems. Women Problems, the whole 9. Finally I feel as though the dust has settled, and there is
NO MORE DRAMA
Finally I feel as though all of those whom I care about have finally reached a plateau of peace; which is truly what I desire not only for my friends but for myself. A feeling of wellness that often times is robbed by petty differences and bad weather.

Shout Outs to Spring for real. Because the sun, a lil' warmer weather and midterms being over I think was exactly what the doctor ordered. This is a song that I love which I saw performed LIVE by Mary and I think it encompasses my current mood perfectly.

Handle Yourself

2008-03-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Don't allow yourself to become upset by other people places or things.

They are powerless.

Your reaction is their only power

Let me Tell You Bout My BEST FRIENDs!

2008-03-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

My best friend in the entire universe is the one.....the only JESSSSSSSSICAAAAAAAA CELIANNNNN!!!!! Honestly I love this woman. All we do all day long, is talk on our work phones to one another. I call and she says "Bank of New York"....she calls, I say " WELL Program, Lauren speaking" The funny thing is every single time we call each other, it is guaranteed that we will erupt in laughter. I'm not saying that we always agree or that we never butt heads but at the end of the day no matter how annoying either of us get, I know that she has my back.

Now I do have another best friend...whose birthday is today. We were buggin at the SAC and it dawned on both of us that HEY! We've only known each other for not even 2 years. Even though we havent known each other for that long Belinda and I have shared many intimae, personal, and hilarious moments. I trust, love and respect her.

These two are my homie Gs for life. Don't question it. Accept it.

Let's Talk About Sex

2008-03-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

Ok guys. We are grown as we wanna be. We have the rights to use our bodies as freely as we want to. As individuals we are entitled to smoke, drink, fuck, suck, pierce, tattoo, clothe and show our bodies in any way, shape or form that we desire. It is not the right of anyone else to judge you and what you do with yours at any point in time.

BUT....

Please understand people (both the ladies and the fellas) that your body is just that... yours! You should do what you want with your body in a way that you wouldn't feel ashamed or regret at some point. Granted life's mistakes are the recipe of growth and wisdom but be cautious and weary of what you are doing. Look up at the name of this blog LUIAUCD. Loving you includes loving your body and protecting both your health, sanity and heart at all cost. Please consider the consequences of your actions in the long run and not over indulge in the short term VERY TEMPORARY joys of your sexcapeds.

Now let me make myself EXTREMELY clear. Sex is the shit. It is euphoric, recreational, spiritual and sometimes mind boggling. But with out you, sex would not be possible. With out the maintainance of your integrity, self-esteem, pride and wellness with your self you are cheapening and robbing yourself of the heights that sex can provide.You need to recognize that YOU are the shit and with out u... sex would be nonexistent.

I suggest we all take the time to become intimate with ourselves before becoming intimate with one another. Relationships, peace of mind, and reputations would be spared if we would all just take a moment to THINK BEFORE WE ACT. I ain't tellin you how to live just doing my part in hoping that you consider things from all angles.

Yummy

2008-03-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

I love the way you take your time.
Gazing at it lovingly and longingly like your a famished hungry man that hasnt eaten in days.
I love the way you peel past that layer of fuzzy covering.
I love the way your face lights up when you uncover what you wanted the whole time.
I love how satisfied you look when you search and search and are finally hit by the most fulfilling, juiciest, most succulent taste your tongue only dreamed of.
I love how greedy you are with it, being selfish and wanting it all to yourself.

But hold up..... can I get a piece of that peach ur eating sir?

JAZZ Hip Hop's Ancestor.

2008-02-26T20:58:00.001-08:00

Let's be clear, I am in no way shape or form a hip-hop head and no I do not know everything about music but I do know what is relevant to me.... I'm guessing that's the point of blogging huh?

I went on to Launch to do my HW but I have firefox and it denied me access. So I ended up at AOL radio listening to Jazz. Honestly, I truly feel, it doesn't get its due credit. It has been out lived and is now the grandfather of the adult who is now hip-hop. Still respected, still loved and still given its rights on the strength that it's been around and seen a few things. Listening to it now is just like listening to that Grandma or Granddad who knows exactly what to say with out saying a word, it was all in a look; with jazz it's all in the sound. Sometimes it puts you back in your place as a youngster and makes you take the time to appreciate to listen and to hear something sage, something that knows more. YES- there was something before 8 tracks and vinyl. Plain instruments that were responsible for being the soundtrack of oppressed people who had issues that many of us can never even fathom. Jim Crow, lynchings, segregation, no legal liquor (can u imagine such a horrendous fate?) Feelings that we have open mic nights, iPods, cassettes, CDs and headphones to cater to.

I absolutely love jazz, and miss CD 101.9 (New Yorkers know wassup)
Jazz does have a way of taking over the senses once it is introduced properly with a melody that the listener can follow. Jazz in my opinion is just like a painting or a sculpture, completely open to interpretation. I love listening to it until it crosses over my other senses into me seeing it. Listening to jazz can begin as jus hearing some notes arranged beautifully (which is all music is) and then feeling sad or happy?? Thats wild. Listening to just a few notes and wishing that, that someone special was sitting right there next to you journeying off to the same places that you can only venture together, in your thoughts with out even speaking a word. What other medium can do that? I know I live in an era where hip-hop and pop are the soundtrack to so many of my peers lives and that is all well and good. They are relative and personal to them. Jazz roots are in the present and were the soundtrack for books such as Sula and the Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. Or movies such as Love Jones. Sex, trust, love, passion, anger, revenge....all derived from sound, minus the clutter of words. To me jazz is the most boisterous element in a room that never even has to utter a word. Its just like that Grandparent that we know is there. We know without whom we wouldn't exist. We can never understand truly where she is comin from but we know its right. I dunno thats how I feel when I listen to her. - Jazz that is. I feel right, like I... a product of the hip hop realm am being takin in for a while by Grandma simply to remember and regroup right before being thrown right back in to reality. The presence and the force that is hip-hop. Everyone needs to regroup sometimes. You appreciate the present and feel it more when you do.